I recently heard my mentor Martha Beck speak about this. Once you start to watch your own brain you see where you put up “statues”, huge monuments of suffering. We put up statues of people who have “burned us to the ground”, uprooted us from our happy homes, took our money, tried to strip everything that was good from us. We’ve been conditioned to pay a huge amount of attention to those who have been violent, and who have abused us emotionally.
We put up monuments of people who killed the most people. We’ve been trained as a culture to look at the people who cause destruction. Our news stories highlight negative happenings that infiltrate and mold our brain and we so often allow for too much of that precious space to be occupied.
But really, “It’s about the power of love instead of the power of power,” according to Elizabeth Lesser, author of Cassandra Speaks.
In the 1990’s psychologists suggested looking at what makes people happy instead of focusing on mental illness or negative. Prior to this time, this shift had never been done. We are a culture that looks at the destructive and negative. We must put enough attention to the goodness in your life as much as the badness.
The evidence is very strong that taking a look at what makes people happy and that having a different focus makes people happier and healthier.
1. The one single thing you can do to shift out of negative mode is pay more attention to goodness in life.
2. The one thing that was discovered that is the most happiness enhancing activity, and the most powerful single thing you can do to increase your own happiness over the next year. Take a moment to look at life enhancing people in our culture. Look at life enhancing people in our past, people who have given you positive things. It could be a small thing, but tell them how it impacted your life and perhaps changed your life. These people can be a grandparent, a teacher, a friend etc.
3. Write them a letter and tell them what they did to change your life. Send them the letter, or better yet, read it to them. (This year you may have to do FaceTime or Zoom.) This is your Gratitude letter.
4. Keep your attention on these people, their goodness, and remember what you are grateful for.
Studies have shown that people who wrote this type of emotion letter had much more happiness in their life over the next year than people who wrote just random letters.
Focusing on that special person, gets you thinking about the good they did you and writing it down allows the focus to use and occupy a different part of the brain. When you actually contact the person you tap into the social part of the brain and that impacts so much of who you are as a person. The actual reading of the letter magnifies the relationship and the joy you have both experienced. It’s definitely a force that is sustaining and has the capability of shifting the brain into joy and happiness.
Yesterday was our Thanksgiving here in the US. Many of us had the opportunity to sit down and reflect on what and who we are thankful for.
Today, I would like to challenge you to remember those thoughts of Thanksgiving or if you are not here in the US think and remember those things you are thankful for now.
Take the attention off of those who have tried to “burn you to the ground”. Hey, I hear you and I know those things need to be acknowledged and said, but today I’d like you to shift and focus on the good and those who have been good.
Write that gratitude letter. It’s the perfect time of year to give this gift not only to yourself, but to others.
I am Lisa Jollimois. I am a personal development coach for women. I help middle-age women who have been torn down by spousal abuse learn how to make life moving forward the best years ever. If you need help rewriting your story, exploring new possibilities for an empty nest, or feeling stuck. I can help act as a guide to get your life into action.
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Big Hugs,
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